Letters
by Sevi Snape
Summary: a series of letters written to harry. they are given to him after these people die or leave the country. slash at the end. last two chapters contain slash but nothing graphic. no kissing even! just love!
1. the first letter

Disclaimer I own nothing in this story except the idea for the letter and  
  
the scenario. OK so flame me if you must but I was rather please with myself  
  
for making it all make sense! OK OK so I'm a sick person but no matter I'm  
  
not forcing you to read this! READ IT NOW! OK so every one has gone now he  
  
he he he.  
  
****Background****  
  
It was year after he had gone. The Boy Who Lived. He had finally left the  
  
country. He did to save them, those people whom he had called friends. They  
  
wouldn't be safe if they were near him. Voldemort had made that clear. One  
  
day about a year after he had left he received a series of letters. They  
  
were all from different people. Some of the people had been friends and some  
  
enemies but all needed to talk to him to tell him something. All these  
  
letters were to be given to Harry when the writers had died or left the  
  
country.  
  
LETTER ONE  
  
Harry,  
  
How can I say all the things I want to in a letter? The obvious answer is I  
  
can't, but seeing as the reason you are reading this letter is that I am  
  
dead, then I will have to try. The first thing I want to say is, I'm sorry  
  
for being a bastard to you for all those years. There, I said it. Well, I  
  
wrote it. You see, Harry, I never really hated you. Far from it. In fact I  
  
loved you. I loved you with all my heart and soul. But I couldn't show you  
  
or tell you, so I acted as if I hated you to lessen the pain for me. I could  
  
never hate you, not really. To me you were too... too precious.  
  
You were the boy who lived, but could you ever have been the boy who loved?  
  
Maybe not. No, definitely not. Not me anyway. You could never have loved me.  
  
But you loved him didn't you? Oh, don't be alarmed Harry I knew you were  
  
gay. Good God, yes, I knew. I saw the way you looked at him. That bloody  
  
bastard. He hurt you really badly didn't he, Harry? I saw the look in your  
  
eyes when you saw him. You wanted him, you yearned for him, and he rejected  
  
you. I saw your face when he said no to you. I saw how much he hurt you and  
  
I wanted to hurt him too. Hurt him twice as much as he had hurt you. But I  
  
couldn't. I couldn't because of who you are and who I was. Yes, but who was  
  
I? I bet you're dying to know, aren't you, Harry? Who is this person who  
  
claims to love me but yet didn't comfort me when that boy I loved most in  
  
the world hurt me? Well, there is a simple answer to that. I am your father.  
  
Yes, Harry, your father. But now you're thinking, 'Well, how could James  
  
Potter know I was gay and how much I was hurt by that boy? And how could  
  
James Potter have been a bastard to me?' Well, again there is a simple  
  
answer for that, Harry. This letter isn't from James.  
  
We were very different really, Harry, so you wouldn't have guessed what I  
  
really was. Yes, very different. Different qualities, different passions,  
  
different houses. Ah, yes, different houses, that was a huge problem. But it  
  
could have been overcome just like it was overcome between your mother and  
  
me. That's right, Harry, your mother and me. Didn't you ever wonder why you  
  
were nearly put in Slytherin? It was because James wasn't your father! I  
  
was! It was a good coincidence that both James and I had black hair and that  
  
nearly all my family had green eyes, because if James Potter's son hadn't  
  
looked like him it would have looked very suspicious indeed. It would have  
  
been a huge problem. You see, Lily didn't want James to know that the baby  
  
wasn't his. He had hated me in school and she feared that if he knew that  
  
the baby wasn't his he would hate it or hate her. Because although she had  
  
loved me, Harry, she adored him. She loved him with every fibre of her  
  
being. He made her happy. I couldn't take that away from her, now, could I?  
  
Not if I truly loved her.  
  
Someone found out of course. It was Sirius. Ever wonder why he hated me so  
  
much? He had hated me at school anyway and this was the last straw that  
  
broke the broomstick, I suppose. He hated Lily for having feelings for me  
  
and he hated her for not telling James the truth, but he kept his silence;  
  
after all, he loved Lily and James too much to hurt either of them. He loved  
  
you too; after all you were Lily's son. You see, your mother had the rare  
  
gift of seeing through the mundane. She had the rare gift of compassion for  
  
all humankind. She befriended me when no one else would. You see, my family  
  
didn't have the best reputation. My father was evil and everyone was scared  
  
I would turn out like him so I was left alone. But Lily saw through that.  
  
She knew some people are not like their families. I mean, look at her. A  
  
witch in a long line of muggles, and her sister was awful. But Lily was  
  
different to all of them. She befriended me in secret.  
  
After Lily I was too scared of loving again. Scared I would be hurt again.  
  
Scared I would fall in love with someone that loved me but adored someone  
  
else, someone that I was willing to die for, and they would reject me again.  
  
I just couldn't face it. I suppose I became a sort of recluse. I'm not an  
  
evil person, just lonely and I suppose that over the years I became a bit  
  
bitter. But I wanted to change to show you that I could love but it's too  
  
late now.  
  
That's part of the reason you infuriated me. You had so many of your  
  
mother's qualities and none of mine. You reminded me too much of Lily and  
  
our sordid affair, so I acted as if I disliked you. I suppose I was bitter  
  
about being rejected and this helped in disguising the way I felt about her,  
  
and about you. I said I loved you, Harry, and I do. Even though I'm not  
  
alive I still love you. Not in a sensual way, you understand; in a fatherly  
  
way. I'll never forget the day Lily asked me to come over to her and James'  
  
house, and told me that I was the father of this tiny human being. I just  
  
wanted to pick you up and hug you and never let you go, but I couldn't. She  
  
said she thought I should know but that James was not to find out, not until  
  
you were old enough to decide where your loyalties lay. But Harry, it still  
  
hurt. I saw you on your first day at Hogwarts and it hurt not to be able to  
  
hug you, to tell you who I was. I was reminded of James as soon as I saw  
  
you.  
  
Now, Harry, that is all I have to say, but I think you need to think about  
  
it. The way I see it you have two options. Accept this information or ignore  
  
it. You have to choose between ignorance and knowledge, but remember both  
  
have advantages and disadvantages. Whatever you choose, Harry, remember your  
  
mother and remember that your father loved you, whether you say your father  
  
is James or I. We both loved you, loved you enough to die for you, and I  
  
suppose in a way we both have. Died for you, I mean. Remember your mother  
  
and your father Harry. Whoever he is.  
  
Severus 


	2. the friends secret

Disclaimer; if you recognise it then it ain't mine. This is number two of the letters.  
  
  
  
LETTER TWO  
  
Dearest Harry,  
  
  
  
I really don't know how to tell you what I want to. You know I always think that talking about something is a better way of sorting things out. But seeing as the reason you are reading this is probably because I am no longer of this planet, I suppose I will have to try and say what I want in this letter. You see we all knew all of us who have written you letters that we were going to die or leave the country at about the same time. So we were asked by Dumbledore to write a letter about any last thoughts or confessions to you. I suppose he has his reasons but there you go. I expect you have already read the letter from Severus. I knew of course. He told me during a short period of time when we were together.  
  
Did you know about us Harry? I thought you did. Well anyway he told me one night, it was the night that bastard rejected you. I went to see Severus and he was sitting in his office in a raging temper. No excuse he could think of could convince me that was the reason he was angry and eventually he told me. I listened intently, as it explained the reason for why our relationship had been so emotionally unattached. It was purely physical, although I had hoped it would have become more. It sounds so unlike me doesn't it? 'Perfect little prefect Hermione, shagging a teacher!' who would ever have thought? But that's all it was sex. He couldn't get over her you know? He couldn't get over Lily, or rather he wouldn't. I think that know how much he hurt her was his defence system against letting it happen again.  
  
I know what your wondering Harry. 'When was all this deceit going on?' well Harry it was about a year and a half ago. And yes Harry, I know what your thinking now, 'wasn't Hermione with Ron last year?' and the answer is yes. So I cheated on him. But he doesn't know. At least I don't think he does and I don't want him to know. He will still be alive Harry. He will have fled the country, too upset to come back. This country will have too many memories for him.  
  
I'm not just writing this letter to explain away Severus and Ron's actions Harry. I actually have to confess something. It's something pretty big for me and, should you accept it, big for you too. You see Harry, during this fling with Severus I got pregnant. At first I told myself it was Ron's baby but I still didn't tell anyone. I explained my absence while having the baby as an academic holiday course. I had to learn a charm to disguise the bump. That would have given the whole thing away. So that's why I had so much time off in our seventh year. Apart from this baby being my daughter, she is also something to you Harry. She is your sister. You and her have the same father. Whether you want to tell people of that fact, I don't know, but I do know that you will know how she feels. She won't have any parents either Harry. Remember how you felt. Do you really want someone else to go through that too?  
  
She is beautiful Harry. You should see her. She has your eyes and she looks so cute. She has black hair too. Unfortunately I think her hair will be like mine was. You remember how bushy it used to be? I do poor kid. She's gonna have hair like her mother. But lets hope she is as brave as her brother is, and as strong. Harry I need for you to look after her, when she is old enough to stay with you. I want you to be part of her life; you are her brother Harry. You must understand why I ask this of you? You do Harry, I know you do. Harry realise what this means. You can help someone not to have as much pain over losing their parents. Would you really wish anyone went through the pain you did Harry? Do you really? Well if you do then you're a child! An adult would except his responsibility. I didn't want to have to use this as a method of persuasion Harry but I think I have to. We died for you Harry! We died or left to ensure your safety. All I ask is that you help another person. Not just any person either. You're own sister.  
  
Harry find her please. Find her and help her. I need you to. I'm begging you Harry. I know you will do the right thing. And Harry, I'm really sorry. I never knew. I couldn't believe it when you told me he rejected you. I only wish he hadn't, but Harry don't let yourself get bitter about it. You don't want to end up like Severus. Afraid to love because of one person. I know it hurts, but you will get over it. It may not seem like that at the minute but trust me it will.  
  
Can you do me one other favour? Tell Ron that I love him. I always loved him but I was young when it happened. I know he doesn't know, or rather he didn't. I sent him a letter too. I needed him to know. If he really loves me Harry, he will return and I'm sure he will. Maybe not next week, or next month or even next year, but he will come back. I promise you that. He loved his best friend too much to leave him forever. As do I Harry, remember I never really died if you remember me. If you can remember all of us then we never really left, we just became harder to see when you needed us. But we will always be with you. I promise you that.  
  
Hermione. 


	3. the friend in grieveing

1 I don't own anything that is part of Harry potter.  
  
2  
  
3  
  
4 LETTER THREE  
  
Harry,  
  
What can I say? Except I'm sorry. I didn't want to leave but I had to. There are too many memories in England. Then there was the school and anything in the wizarding world. They all remind me of her. I hate it. First she dies and then I receive a letter written by her before she died. Telling me she was pregnant to Snape and had his baby. I couldn't take it Harry I really couldn't.  
  
I'd come home and there'd be no music playing. I'll go in to the library and she isn't there. I wake up of a morning and the sheets next to me are empty and unslept in. Harry I feel as if someone has cut off my hand. I feel so incomplete without her. She was the best thing in my life and now she has gone. The letter was the worse bit though. The letter that told me that she had loved him too. I had believed that she loved me and no one else. But what upsets me are the thoughts of him. How can someone like him, so cold and bitter, have gotten someone like her, so sweet and pure, to love them? That's what I want to know.  
  
I'm sorry Harry. Going on about love when I know how he made you feel. I'm sorry. I suppose it must be harder for you. I mean I have been able to hold Hermione and tell her I love her. But you have had to hold it all in since he rejected you. I'm sorry, really truly sorry. If I ever find the bastard then I swear to god Harry I will kill him. No I won't that would take me down to the level of those bastards that killed Hermione, and I could never do that.  
  
I went to see Hermione parents the other day Harry. The baby was there. She is so beautiful. I don't think Hermione wanted me to know who the father was. She never told me in her letters, but she couldn't hide the fact that the kid looks like you and a bit like him. yeah Harry I know that Snape was your dad. I over heard Hermione talking to him one night. I had gone to his office to try and find out why he had failed my essay on truth potions. I was about to knock on the door when I heard him talking. He sounded sad, as if he had been crying. Then I heard Hermione trying to comfort him. I felt so hurt right there. She had never tried to comfort me like that. She was telling him it would all be ok and that she loved him. but he didn't reply. He didn't even say he loved her back. I think that's what hurt me the most. If he had loved her back and they had been happy then maybe I wouldn't have felt so bad, but she loved him so much and he just cast her aside. Just like he was cast aside. I know all about it Harry I stayed that night to find out everything.  
  
I found out about him and Hermione. About him and Lily. About how he felt about you and about how he wanted to be able to tell you. He's not really as bad as I believed him to be if I think about it. I suppose I'm going through the same things he went through when your mum married James. He felt rejected and now we both know how that feels don't we Harry.  
  
I know this letter isn't long but I have a feeling I will be back soon. I just need some time to get everything sorted and work out what I want to do with my life now I have no wife. Harry can you do me a favour? Can you let me help you look after the kid when I get back? She looks a bit like her mother and I want to be there for her. I know it won't be the most normal family but who cares at least she will be with people who love her. I don't want her to grow up with muggles. I know that they are her grandparents but the kid is a witch and a bloody good one too I bet. With you for a brother and Hermione for a mother I reckon she will be the best witch Hogwarts could wish for.  
  
See you soon mate.  
  
Ron. 


	4. the voice of reason

Disclaimer: if you recognise it then it ain't mine. And the last letter will be up soon but it isn't who many of you think it is! Oh no I'm not going to tell you who it is yet, you will have to read to find out. Ha ha ha ha ha I am in control.  
  
  
  
1  
  
LETTER FOUR  
  
Dear Harry,  
  
I know you must feel very confused right now but I think you understand why I did this. I knew about all of this of course. I had to show them what was going to happen to them so that they could ask you anything they needed to before they left. I felt there was no other way of doing it Harry. Would you have listened if they tried to tell you these things them selves? You can't reread a conversation Harry. I thought that writing was the best way. Can you forgive them? Any of them? Can you forgive Hermione for bringing a life into the world? Can you forgive Ron for leaving? Can you forgive Severus for telling you the truth? I hope so Harry. I also hope you can forgive me for making this happen. But Harry there are some things that need to be the non-magical way. This was one of those times.  
  
I knew about Severus and Lily of course. I think that if you had seen them Harry you would understand why they could not have been together. He loved her with all his being, and she loved him he same way. But she couldn't marry him, because of you. You were what kept them apart. I know that a child should be something joyous for a couple but Harry you would have been in grave danger. Even more than you are now. She told Severus that she married James for love but I believe the only love they had was physical. They had affection for each other, but only as friends. They were never really true lovers, not like Severus and Lily were. But in order to keep you safe she needed James protection. He was a great wizard Harry, just as you are. But you did not get that greatness from him did you? So therefore maybe Severus was more than he appeared? But we will never know now. I know Severus loved you Harry, his love was more than words, and he had his love hidden from you so as not to break the wishes of his own true love. Lily did not tell you about him because she needed it to be kept as secret as possible otherwise marrying James would have been useless. Do you understand Harry?  
  
I also knew about Hermione's predicament. She was the most intelligent witch our school has seen in a while, but I feel she had been very stupid. She was not wrong to do what she did, for love is never wrong. But I think she followed her heart too much. She was a very passionate girl. She was incredibly strong minded about the issues she believed in, maybe enough so to die for them. But she did do the right thing in telling you about your sister. She needs your help now Harry. She never asked you for anything, she helped you in anyway she could and never asked anything in return. So now Harry I think that you should grant her the only thing she ever asked of you. I think you need to find your sister. She is beautiful. And she will be a very powerful witch. Maybe she could be what helps us defeat the dark lord once and for all. But until then you need to look after her. You know what it's like to grow up without love, don't make her go through that.  
  
I'm sure Ron would want you to find her wouldn't he? In a way there is a parallel between Ron and Severus. Both have been left by women they loved. But Ron also has a parallel with James too. For this baby isn't his, but he will love it all the same. Your mother didn't tell James about the baby being Severus's but he knew. He found out. But he still loved you as his own and I think that is what is going to happen with Ron. Leave him alone for a year or two Harry. Then he will come back. His promise and emotional contract with Hermione is too great for him to just leave and never come back. He will be back and in the mean time maybe you should get Sirius to help you look after the little girl.  
  
That is all I can tell you Harry. I am not dead, so you can contact me should you need to, but I think you will be just fine now. I too have something to confess. I wish I hadn't had to send these letters to you. I wish it could have been done another way but it couldn't. I will leave you now, as I am sure you need to read the final letter. I did not ask for the letter to be written, but I feel it will help heal some of the wounds if you read it. I'm sure it will. It explains why he said no to you. Not because he didn't love you, but all will be explained in his letter.  
  
Your friend forever.  
  
Albus Dumbledore. 


	5. that bastard

Disclaimer: you have heard it all before.  
  
So this is it the final letter, but there is a chapter to come after this, sort of what happened next.  
  
  
  
LETTER FIVE.  
  
Harry,  
  
Why? Why did you do that? Why didn't you just forget about me? I am not that important. I know you loved me wholly, but we could never be. I don't see why though Harry? I rejected you to save you and your friends. In rejecting you I expected you to get over it and try and save your friends in the final battle. But of course you were still grieving for me. But why? What is so good about me? I blame myself for those deaths. I know I didn't cause them directly of course, but then I did make you too upset to help them so I suppose it really is my fault that they are dead. I wish that it could have been some other way. But it's too late now. I wish when you asked me that I . no I would still have to say no to you. I did it because I care Harry. I loved you too much to let you get caught up in my world. I had to do in the way I did; I had to show you I wasn't who you thought I was. You had made me into a perfect man. I understand why because I did it to you too. Love has away of taking all those negative things about someone and turning them in to positives.  
  
I saw all your positives everyday Harry. Everyday I walked past you I wanted to hold you. I wanted to brush your hair out of your eyes. I saw you there with those friends that would love you no matter what and realised that I would never know that again. I had known that once but that was unimportant to me now. I didn't want a friendly love; I wanted a love that was sacred. A love that was only for me and I could love this one in return. I know had I said yes to you then I would have had that but then I realised what that would mean. It would have meant hurting the only person that I had ever loved truly.  
  
In saying no to you I hurt myself. I felt as if I had ripped out my own heart. I felt awful seeing how much you cared what I thought. Maybe I could have been more open about why I said now, but there is no use looking back now and trying to say forgive me. What happened, happened and there is no changing that. Could you Harry? Could you forgive me? Now that you know I tried to save you by saying no.  
  
Do you not understand Harry? Am I not making it clear? Well then let me try again. I said no when you asked me if I loved you, because everything I love becomes ruined. I loved my friends and they are now either evil or dead. I loved school, and now that is destroyed. I loved my family and they are all gone. I have to live with this all the time. If I had loved you, you would be dead or hurt or unhappy and I couldn't do that to you. You deserve better than that. You deserve than a lover who lives a cursed life.  
  
I have nothing to give you either Harry. I can not offer you anything, anything except my love and pain. That is never a good combination. I still dream of you Harry. I wake every morning with a thought of you, I sleep every night and dream of you, you fill my head all the time I am awake as well. But Harry I can't give you anything. For I am nothing to anyone. Anyone except you.  
  
I miss you Harry and if you should decide to forgive me I may come back. But I need you to understand what you are letting yourself in for. I need you to understand that I can't always give you everything you need, not all the time. I can't always be there. I can't always offer you a moonlight stroll. Do you understand Harry? I hope so because I will go now. I may see you soon. But for now just remember me.  
  
Adieu Harry, from the man who loved you with all his soul, you know who I am.  
  
This isn't goodbye, not really.  
  
  
  
So then go on flame me! If you pick up in the clues then this letter is crystal clear, but if not then too bad. But if you didn't get who it is then the next chapter will help you, actually the next chapter will tell you exactly who it is. So then now all that is done and you have either stopped crying or thinking this is crap, please click on the little review button. Go on. 


	6. love at last

Disclaimer: blah blah blah blah. You know it all by now. This is the final chapter to this. It isn't a letter it is actually a scene so tell me what you think when you have read it.  
  
Putting down the letter, Harry wiped his face in his jumper. There were tears all over him; they were running down his neck and soaking jumper. They were all over his hands and soaking into the letter. Most of the letters had most of the words smudged.  
  
"WHY?" Harry yelled into the silence. "Why me? Why can't I have been a normal person? No dark lord trying to kill me? No deceit in my family? No lies?"  
  
Then he sat there sobbing into his knees.  
  
"Because if all those things hadn't have been then you wouldn't be Harry potter now would you?" said a calm familier voice behind Harry.  
  
Harry jumped up and looked to where the voice was. When he saw who was standing there he broke down into yet more sobs.  
  
"Shush now," soothed the voice, and began to walk over to Harry's crouched form. "Calm down, everything will be just fine."  
  
He hugged Harry and sat there on the floor with his arms around him.  
  
After Harry calmed down he pulled away from the embrace a bit.  
  
"Why did you come back?" Harry whispered stroking the man's hair.  
  
"I came back for you Harry. I realised after I had sent that letter that both of us needed each other." Said the man with a strange sort of ironic chuckle. "You did understand what I meant in the letter didn't you Harry? You understand that I won't always be here? And when I am not here you must try and be close to me. It will only cause more trouble, for both of us."  
  
Harry nodded and snuggled down into the arms of the man even more. He didn't want this to end. This was perfect for him. Not being in any danger. Not having to act brave, not having to protect everyone else.  
  
"So Harry can you forgive me?" asked the man.  
  
"of course I can forgive you! I love you." Sighed Harry sleepily.  
  
"I love you too Harry. I will love you forever and always." Sighed the man with content.  
  
"Good, because that is such a long time Remus." Said Harry 


End file.
